Have you ever been happy in a relationship, completely over your past. Completely over the jack-ass who you gave your entire life too, and stomped on it like you were a cockroach in Brooklyn? Have you ever seen a Brooklyn cockroach?! Their so big that you have to kill it, take a break, and kill it again with all your force.
Anxiety is like an Ex, an ex that you spent the last couple of months, years, even weeks with who made your life miserable, scared you, killed your feelings, allowed you to think that you were going insane when all the while, it was him or her. Anxiety is the Ex that makes it their life duty to fuck with you. Anxiety says, “If I cannot have you, no one else can.” Once you let Anxiety rule over your existence, it forever has a piece of you. Anxiety is the abuser, and we are the abused.
“As soon as your Ex see’s you smiling, thats when they want you back!” -Anxiety Sufferer
So, here I am. I have spent the last couple of months forgetting about my Ex (anxiety), working on myself, getting healthy, and attempting to live my best worry free life. Jokes on me! Anxiety crept upon me and hit me so hard that I must have forgotten what fear had felt like. Fear, is for me, like the feeling of being chased to no end. The feeling of having no control over your destiny and the destination being hell. Have you ever felt so fearful that you knew that you were destined for hell? Its awful. Its dreadful. Its sickening.
My first reaction is, “omg, I have to start from scratch! I do not have the strength to rebuild myself once again.” It made me sick to believe that all the self-improvement that I had done, mentally specifically, had gone to shits! I had failed. I am failing.
My Ex got what he wanted. He conquered. What a bitch! Now, as I gain some small amount of strength back because I refuse to let this bitch drag me through the dirt again and again, and once over; Its time to re-evaluate my tool box and restart my journey to recovery.
My point to all this is- anxiety will continue to trick you and we have to understand that this will always be a constant battle. A battle that we can keep winning if we constantly prepare ourselves. I made the biggest mistake thinking that, my life was back to normalcy to the point where I did not even consider that anxiety would creep back in. I thought I was a gangster. I thought my work was done. I thought I could celebrate and be merry.
I wasn’t ready…
#stayontopofyourgame #neverstoprecovering #alwaysknowanxietycancomeatanypoint #beconfidentbutbesmart