I have been going mad with focusing on improving my myself and my mind that I have placed my blog to the waist side. Many times I have a million thoughts going through my mind, but putting them in words, at times, feels impossible. My mind drifts from point A, to point Z in a matter of seconds and although, I know how I feel; allowing others to understand my thoughts can be bothersome. So, I finally got my damn thoughts together (hopefully) and this subject is something that I have been wanting to speak about for some time.
I can honestly say, I have been a vessel for the unknown and afterlife for many years. Bare with me, I will not overwhelm you with ghost stories and spiritual tales. When I say vessel, I pick-up on vibes like none other- the good ones enlighten me, make me happy, allow me to breath and be positive, but the bad vibes torment me; vibes attract to me so intensively that they alter my entire persona.
So, my dreams are no different. I have the most surreal dreams that one could argue where true testaments of the afterlife. As far as I can remember, I have woken up in my dreams and have lived at least 20-30 minutes awake, doing normal shit, starting my day as usual and not realizing that I was still asleep- and then slowly becoming aware that I am in fact still sleeping as the day is still night and the images that appear to me are “dream like.” I guess, if my research serves me correctly, this is called lucid dreaming.
Lucid dreaming is where the dreamer is aware that they are dreaming. During a lucid dream, the dreaming may be able to have control over the characters, narrative, and environment.
My lucid dreams almost always happen when I wake up in the middle of the night, exhausted but unable to go back to sleep until an hour or two later. By this time, my anxiety is through the roof. My thighs are numb, legs tingling, thoughts racing, and my body feels like a ton of bricks weighing me down to shit.
I read that, people actually try to lucid dream as it allows them to be “supernatural” and have “powers” that cannot exist in waking life. This to me, is fucking crazy. In the beginning, I mentioned that I was able to “feel” awake, and do normal shit as if I was actually awake. This is until I realize that I am still asleep. Once that realization hits me, I try to force myself to wake-up. In these moments, my anxiety is debilitating and it transcends me into sleep paralysis.
Sleep paralysis for me, are a nightmare. Anxiety stems from fear, the fear of the unknown. When sleep paralysis comes on, I am still consciously aware of what is happening around me, but my body and mind will not allow me to be fully awake. I am unable to move my extremities, but I feel and hear everything that is happening around me. The fear that stems from me, attracts negative forces and often times when my lucid dreams are followed by sleep paralysis- it “feels” as if I am being attacked, strangled, sat on, or dragged. In fact, I KNOW that this is happening to me. The only way that I am able to get out of it is if I pray my way out.
Sleep paralysis is being aware, but having the inability to move or speak.
Rather or not people believe in life after death, demonic forces, or that there is a heaven or a hell- what remains true is that fear will always attract negativity. Fear will will take your mental to the corners of the worst thoughts and even the worst images.
This is the reality that I have been battling as a part of my severe anxiety. This is the part that I do not speak to my therapist about, but rather, I research and try to find the basis of it so that I can then attack it along with other plethora of shit that I battle. I am not ashamed of this, but, just like mental health- it is an afterthought for those who do not experience it.
I am finding that many people are experiencing what I have experienced and what I am still experiencing. However, I will say it is not as consistent as it has been. I reckoned it is because I am determined to change what I eat, what I say, what I think, what I watch, and the vibe that I give off.
YOU can and YOU will because you are a motherfucking badass! Change your life.
If you are experiencing sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming, the only advice that I can give is to not fear. Fear will never hurt you. Fear will not win. Talk about it, seek therapy, research, change your ways.
Thats all I’ve got! Lets be a work in progress together.
#fuckfear #fearwillnothurtyou #keepthefaith