This past year has been amazing!! Shit is insane how I can say it loud at the top of my lungs!! Although I have faced many storms and I am still walking into a few brick walls wondering what the hell is happening, but, I have grown to appreciate these moments in life even if I could not explain them.
I figure I’d share 10-things that I have learned about myself amidst facing the cruelty of anxiety. As I continue on this path of transparency and resilience, I am hoping that you too learn how much incrediable strength you have even in your darkest hour.
- 💪🏾 I am so much stronger than what I believed I was. Mental illness, in my opinion, is the toughest shit one can face. I say this, because when your mind is afloat, it is the worst feeling one can endure. Think about it. We use our minds for everything; our minds control everything we do, what we say, and obviously what we think. When we feel that we are literally losing our minds, we then encompass the dreadful fear of losing our souls. I had no idea that I was strong enough to regain focus and re-strengthen my mind. There were times when I would scream in terror because my mind would not rest. The ability to change my thoughts and retrain my mind is fascinating to me.
- 🤝I’ve developed such a strong relationship with my anxiety, I can instantly tell when a stranger silently struggles with anxiety or a mental illness of some sort. No words have to be spoken. I feel their energy through silence, through movement, through their inability to focus. This again, is fascinating to me because I tend to randomly speak about my anxiety journey in order to apply a platform for them to speak about their challenges. Sometimes it works, others times it doesn’t. Often times, the non-verbal communication is all I need to know to keep their struggle in my prayers.
- 🤷🏽♀️I care-less about things that aren’t important to my well-being. Worrying is the last thing that I want to do, I’ve spent so much time worrying about shit that doesn’t matter, that I now have the “art of not giving a fuck” down packed. Everything use to bother me; people’s Ill-will towards me, what people thought about me, what people said about me, failures, pettiness, and so much more until I was faced with the reality of the limited of time that we have on this earth and what that really meant.
- 💆🏽♀️My snap-back game is strong. When my mind wonders, I instantly notice and re-focus my thoughts. When I watch certain movies on television, my mind goes to the fear of the “what-if’s” or my mind becomes conflicted with the inability to make a decision and nausea creeps in. I become aware, I close my eyes, and I refocus my thoughts before they get to out of control to the point that panic begins to arise.
- 😴💦Getting rest and drinking water are the two most important components for me to avoid a panic attack. I need shit loads of water through the day and 8-hours of sleep. A year ago, water was only a option if there was absolutely nothing else to drink in the house and rest? Um, it was a “late nights, early mornings” type of situation all the time.
- 🙅🏽♀️My energy is everything to me. Once you battle health -anxiety, you are aware of every feeling in your body. This means that if there is toxic energy from the people that I am around, I will pick up on it instantly and it will completely through me off my game. Thus, I avoid toxic people altogether.
- 🙇🏽♀️I am extra sensitive to other people’s feeling. Okay, I am not saying I am a complete biotch. What I mean is that I have to check myself on everything that I project from my mouth. Like me, I never know what another person is going through behind close doors. As cliche as it sounds, I know all about presenting myself one way to the world and feeling a totally different way behind closed doors.
- 🗣I, LALA, AM NOT AFRAID OF DEATH!! This is a BIG one!!! Please understand how this was my biggest fear within my struggle. The word death itself made me sick to my stomach. I plan on writing an entire post about my fear and why I feared it so much soon. However, facing my fear head-on and encompassing myself into a career that centered around death was my biggest blessing.
- 🧠I am obsessed and intrigued with learning how the mind works. My mind kicked my ass!! Living through the tricks and trades of the mind has been a gift and a curse. At times when I thought I was losing my mind, it also was of interest to me to understand how the mind works and the different areas of the mind and what it controlled.
- 🙏🏽I silently give thanks for the bad days that I have. I know what it takes to get through the bad days and I see the rewards of my bad days.
Nothing last forever, I promise.🌸