May I Vent?

Whew, where do I begin? This past week has been challenging to say the least. Quite frankly, thus far, the legal changes within the scope of my job have been the most difficult conversation that I have had to have in a very long time.

When I decided to take this position, the position to coordinate dying patients with the option to end their lives with dignity- I made a vow that I would put my own fears to the side and walk through this journey with them and in these moments; I learned how to be patient, be empathetic, and listen without any intent to solve or try to understand the unbearable battle that these people are facing. It was my due diligence to fight for these patients and believe in the cause as much as they did.

So, one could imagine when everything takes a turn of the worst and this law is now deemed illegal. This option, the option to end unimaginable suffering has been snatched away as if to say, “fuck your illness, we the government have control of how you live and how you die.” One man, one human being prolonged the suffering of thousands of people who chose to go this route and can no longer.

“To deny people their human rights is to challenge their very humanity.” -Nelson Mandela

The choice for me was to either have these difficult conversations or allow my superiors to have them for me. However, after building relationships with these patients and being welcomed into their lives when they were at their most vulnerable state was vital in placing my own uncomfortability the side and delivering, for most; this shocking, inhumane news.

My feeling is heavy. I feel as if I failed them when the reality is, my voice was ripped out and thrown on the ground along with my own rights just as theirs were. I feel the burden of their pain. I feel the intense unstableness of their life over the next hours, days, or weeks of the pain they have to bear.

Fuck. This feeling is shitty.

#ihavenothingprofoundtosay #thatisall #lifechangesinaninstant

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