98% Mental

I overthink. I overthink to the point where I have to question every decision that I make. I over think about everything- I overthink when I order food. I overthink when I am deciding what to wear. I overthink after I have a argument with my spouse “thinking” that their was so many better points I could have made during our argument. Shit! He won again. I overthink when my dog does something bizarre. I even overthink before I meet with friends, my patient, or co-workers often times rehearsing what I am going to say before I meet with them.

I do this so that I can be prepared- I have to be prepared for consequence or rebuttal A, B, AND C. I have to be prepared in case things do not work out in my favor so that I can  be quick with my next step. I grew up in a very disciplinary home, my dad, who is very dear to my heart always forced me to be one step ahead. Every-time I did not stay organized or I overlooked an important detail on my homework, he would have a lecture waiting for me before bed. “Lala, you have to pay attention to details. A lack of detail will cause you to fail.” Thank you, father of the year, now I have grown up to overthink and in doing so, has caused me to lack in detail!

“98% of my problems would be solved if I stopped overthinking things and calmed the fuck down.” -Someone who understands me.

I find myself missing steps because I have over analyzed a situation. I place more pressure on myself because I never want there to be a moment where “life happens” and catches me off guard. As one can imagine, this comes with countless sleepless nights, bad headaches, and a shit-ton of frustration. My inability to sit my ass down somewhere and let things flow has hindered me in using proper judgment, making decisions, and paying attention to detail. Thus, the end result is that I have to re-do things, waste time on follow-ups, and overthink my overthinking.

Life is going to continue to move forward and “happen” rather I want it to or not. I cannot always try to be prepared for every crevice of shit this earth has in it. I have to… let things flow. This is not to say that there are not some things that we absolutely need to “plan” or “prepare” for, but only that there are things in life that we overthink (that I overthink) that prevents me from enjoying the spontaneity of what life has to offer, of what people, events, and situations that need to happen to mold me and help me grow. My fear of the “unknown” has caused me to fear the art of “sitting my ass down and letting life flow.”

Im going to go sit my ass down. #joinme #letlifeflow #screwthesmallthings #overthinkingshouldbeadisease

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