Great Days & A Bad One

I have two major challenges in my day-to-day life. First, my anxiety. Second, working with people who are dying and having anxiety. For the most part, I keep my anxiety under raps. I avoid things that heighten my anxiety the best that I can, however, sometimes my mental illness has a “mind” of its own.

In knowing this, in knowing that my mental illness can swoop into my bodily functions like a thief in night, I put extra pressure on myself. I try my hardest to think positive, I try my hardest to keep a smile on my face, try my hardest to be that shoulder for my patients to cry on or vent to. When I feel like anxiety has won that day, I am humiliated. I am frustrated. I feel like a failure who lost a long battle with fear. I say to myself “dammit!! Now i have to start all over with my recovery tactics!” Immediately, I feel like all the days that Ive conquered meant nothing. All the days that I have reached my small goals of being “unbothered” have just disappeared.

“Good days. Bad days. God is in all days.” -Marc Lucado

The reality of it all is that, I am just having a bad fucking day. Today, I am just exhausted from trying. Today, I am tired of forward-thinking . Today, I am tired of forcing myself to recover from this illness that has made a home in my life. Today, I am tired of soaking up other people’s emotions. Today, I am tired of being tired.

And, it is perfectly fucking fine. It is okay. It is okay to have many great days of constant determination, blood, sweat, and tears and it is also okay, to have one bad fucking day.

#iamstilldoinggreat #youarestilldoinggreat #wecanhaveonebadfuckingday

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: