My therapist once told me, Lala, “you have to be patient and trust your journey” and I looked at her as if she was speaking another language. As I sat in my therapist office, for the third time in a week- I can say, I was getting use to spilling my guts to a complete stranger. I was miserable and dead on the inside. I just had my umpteenth panic attack for the week and the last thing I wanted to hear was some “zen” chick telling me to “trust the journey” as if it was as easy as eating an entire bag of Doritos or devouring a full bottle of wine. How was I suppose to trust the journey when I was afraid of it? How was I able to be patient when a lack of patience was the very reason I was in this fucking office to begin with?
“In the end, we only regret, the chances we didn’t take.” -WordQuotes
Needless to say, I walked out of that office a year ago more irritable than when I entered. It was not until I received a job offer that would force me to truly understand what my therapist was telling me- it was not until I challenged myself to enter into a brand new world of being scared shit-less. This forced me into understanding the true meaning of patience, faith, trust, and allowed me to start a new journey to living again.
I am starting this blog for myself really, to share my thoughts and experiences of my totally cool, scary, unpredictable, loving, painful career and it is my hope to be transparent in speaking about my mental illness and in turn, attempt to rid people of the stigma associated with mental illnesses. I hope that through my past and present experiences, you, the viewer- understand how to trust your own journey and how facing the one thing you fear the most, can be the most liberating moment in your life.